Ah, the noble lion. Symbol of dominion, king of beasts. Lousy freeloader. Did you know that according to Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, 47% of lions are on some form of government assistance? This is because lions are taught to stay at home and let the lioness hunt, or in America, to play X Box and smoke weed all day. Are these the values we want our lions to have? I say nay.
And so do the organizers of Take Your Lion to Work Day. For years, Take Your Lion to Work Day has been helping Americans raise better lions. It teaches lions that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that hard work and a can-do spirit can get you far in this country. So, I support Take Your Lion to Work Day. And I’d like to reward those of you who participate in this finest of American institutions with some cool prizes.
How can you participate and win cool prizes (prizes that of course pale in comparison with the rewards one gets from raising a healthy well adjusted lion)? First, bring your lion to place of employment. If you don’t have your own lion, you can take someone else’s lion to work or just find an orphaned lion on the street. That’s easy enough isn’t it? Second, take a photograph of yourself at your workplace with your lion. For documentation purposes. Lion fraud is serious business. So, I’d like to ask that you try to refrain from using photoshop software to fabricate a Take Your Lion to Work Day adventure. Because you people are better than that. This the internet, dammit! Third, post your photo on either my Facebook fan page or the page for my band Mayonnaise Jenkins and the Former Kings of the Delta Blues. Then, your photos will be judged by a secret cabal of blackrobed masochists dedicated to the Elder God Nyarlathotep. I will interpret their judgments as best I can without being driven insane by their bizarre gibberings and reward the top three contestants with the following prizes:
1st place: One PDF copy of my first book Murderland Part 1:h8, one copy of my echapbook The Pserpent Psalms, one free digital copy of Mayonnaise Jenkins and the Former Kings of the Delta Blues’ first album A Monday
2nd place: One free digital copy of A Monday
3rd place: one copy of The Pserpent Psalms
One entry per contestant please. Take Your Lion to Work Day contest ends October 15th, 11:59 PM EST
Thank you all in advance for supporting an America where lions grow up to become productive members of society.